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FOR SALE: ONE TOKUNBO ADULT!

Organ trafficking on the rise… I’m tired of complaining about Tinubu-induced hardship, when there are plenty of business ideas. So, I’m off to the Middle East, since EFCC won't allow me to do “yahoo, yahoo@ - in peace. I heard it’s booming down there! Nobody around me knows that I’ve traveled. The pilot just announced that we’ll soon land. In fact, we just flew past one bus stop, where I saw “Aka Road, Uyo” on the signpost. The air hostess explained that it was very close to the Middle East. Where, exactly, she didn't say. Okay, let me confess. I actually had no transport fare, so took N1,300 from Madam’s bag. I will refund when I sell my kidney for $262,000.    The heart is not that expensive, though. Only $119,000. Liver, I heard, is $157, 000, only. I guess that’s why Nigerians value liver above heart. If you are easily emotional, you “no get heart (mind).” But if you take hard decisions like Tinubu, “you get liver”! Selling your organs isn't the  solution to economic ...
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I DON’T NEED YOU, I’LL MARRY MYSELF!

*Antoine Cheval It was a picturesque occasion. A crowd, as thick as the air witnessed the historic moment. Antoine Cheval, the lone character, calmly went through the procedures and made a solemn vow. “I do,” he said, to a thunderous cheer - in his head!  "Do you, Antoine, take Antoine to be your lawfully wedded spouse, to love and to cherish from this day forward?" **Antoine:** "I do." "By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you... married to yourself. You may now kiss the mirror." Decked up in a joint black suit and white wedding gown, the    French man gave himself a ring and the ceremony was over.    He took pictures, later, looking more like a clown than a married couple! Tired of years of failed relationships, Antione said he married the only person who truly understood him: himself. To others, he said: “I don’t need you, I’ll marry myself!” Recently, 42-year-old Sarah Wilkinson, from the UK, did the same thing.    She staged a ceremony she s...
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I Ate Eba and ‘Living Wage’ Soup With God!

I got home one evening, ready to unwind with a simple bowl of egusi soup. But my wife had other naughty plans. “We need a living wage inside this soup pot,” she announced, eyes gleaming with mischief. What the heck is    “living wage” inside a soup pot? I ran to the church hymnary, dictionary, encyclopedia    and all the cookery books in the decrepit Uyo library. No luck.  The next morning, when I was eating ogbono soup with God, for breakfast, one cocky angel gave me with a ‘bombastic side eye.’ As I went to the wash hand basin, he followed me. “Oga, do and go back to your house, joor. Don't come and finish our “living wage” soup here o. No be only you dey. Pastor Enoch Adeboye is coming to eat eba and gbegiri soup, soon.” I was shocked. I had really enjoyed that food with God, but I didn't know they put an ingredient called “living wage” inside. Their eba looked like it’s made from white ijebu garri, though!    When I asked what a “living wage soup” ...
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What AI Can’t Change

The developed world is always quick to make it look like it knows everything. Sadly, some of us easily surrender to them, as if Africans have no attributes and capabilities that can survive circumstances.  Recently, with the emergence of AI, some Nigerians are beginning to buy the idea that they won’t have to do anything, soon. They expect    technology to sweep their homes, cook their meals, clean their bums and bath their kids. Really?! In fact, some believe they won’t even need to think or breathe,anymore. How naive and simplistic! Well, I can’t really blame them. We often like the easy way out of everything, abi? That’s why the word “breakthrough” sells faster than groundnut and “white paper”, in any religious    campaign. But, things don’t always look the way they seem. Since foreign religion became our intoxicating drug, gullibility has become our culture. We hardly look at the flip side. So, now, who will help teach Nigerians that AI may portend good but ...
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What AI Can’t Change

The developed world is always quick to make it look like it knows everything. Sadly, some of us easily surrender to them, as if Africans have no attributes and capabilities that can survive circumstances.  Recently, with the emergence of AI, some Nigerians are beginning to buy the idea that they won’t have to do anything, soon. They expect    technology to sweep their homes, cook their meals, clean their bums and bath their kids. Really?! In fact, some believe they won’t even need to think or breathe,anymore. How naive and simplistic! Well, I can’t really blame them. We often like the easy way out of everything, abi? That’s why the word “breakthrough” sells faster than groundnut and “white paper”, in any religious    campaign. But, things don’t always look the way they seem. Since foreign religion became our intoxicating drug, gullibility has become our culture. We hardly look at the flip side. So, now, who will help teach Nigerians that AI may portend good but ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Ate Eba and ‘Living Wage’ Soup With God!

I got home one evening, ready to unwind with a simple bowl of egusi soup. But my wife had other naughty plans. “We need a living wage inside this soup pot,” she announced, eyes gleaming with mischief. What the heck is    “living wage” inside a soup pot? I ran to the church hymnary, dictionary, encyclopedia    and all the cookery books in the decrepit Uyo library. No luck.  The next morning, when I was eating ogbono soup with God, for breakfast, one cocky angel gave me with a ‘bombastic side eye.’ As I went to the wash hand basin, he followed me. “Oga, do and go back to your house, joor. Don't come and finish our “living wage” soup here o. No be only you dey. Pastor Enoch Adeboye is coming to eat eba and gbegiri soup, soon.” I was shocked. I had really enjoyed that food with God, but I didn't know they put an ingredient called “living wage” inside. Their eba looked like it’s made from white ijebu garri, though!    When I asked what a “living wage soup” ...
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